I've been

going back to pen and paper lately, just don't have a lot of time to get on...

I have things in mind though, I'll be back.

RIP Magneto

I miss my,
favorite kitty,
you weren't like the rest.
You cuddled with me at night,
and ran to me when I came home,
you knew when I wasn't there...
you missed me
and I miss you.
:(
I never thought I'd cry when one of my pets died.

I just

didn't expect it I guess...
We just sat together at Ryan's funeral.
At the
same
place.
I would have never guessed that the next funeral I would be at was yours
at the
same
place.

well not too many posts ago

I spoke of a funeral
and soon there will be another one about another one...

Sarah Clark
I miss you
I love you

I just spoke to Lauren
I miss her
Maybe she's right... the world's going to end sooner then we all think...
Will I change now, believing that?
The way I live?
The way I act?
Will it be for the better?
Or for the worst?
To whos standards?
Who's judging what's better and what's worst?

I'm not.

She know's how I'm feeling.
She spoke quiet like I have been.

I just want to see your smile again,
hear your loud obnoxious laugh again,
hug you,
again.

Rest
In
Peace
My love.

"I guess it's not the way you always planned it

looks like you're heading for a crash landing
thats just the way it looks from where I'm standing"

I've been reading captivating for my bible study group.
Just finished an interesting chapter.
It talked about how the Lord WILL take away something precious to you if you find all of your comfort, all of your happiness, your compassion, and your salvation in it... I've heard that He is a jealous God, but I never thought of it like this I guess, if I am married and have lost the fact that He allowed me to find an incredible man who treats me so amazing, He will ruin it, to the breaking point if I don't turn things around, and I think that's why I don't have a boyfriend right now, and haven't for a while, I want one soo bad, but I am afraid that I want it so bad that I would be like, "Okay God thanks, see you later when I need something again." I don't want to do that! But I'm just afraid... I would, I just don't know. I like to believe God is my number one right now, and I hope that He always will be, but thinking about how I can so easily get so lost again (I don't even know if I am lost right now!) scares the hell out of me. All I know right now is that I need God, and only God. Stop tempting me with your insecurities, trying to bring mine out... I'm still soft right now, the ice is thin and I know I will easily fall through if someone pushed me. I'd rather not be surrounded by anyone if I'm only going to be surrounded by the wrong people.

I'm starting to like this boy who recently came back into my life... but I am AFRAID (shocker) that he still sees me as second best (to my sister) I don't know if I'll ever feel like I am as good as her, or good enough to some people... No one has ever treated me as good as this boy, and I don't want to lose him, but all I can do is ask God to fill me with all of Him, so that I do not go astray, yet again.

Isaiah 53:6
We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

ZOMG there's cussing... [hardly]

Funerals aren't unpredicatable.
They're the furthest from it.
You don't get a pastor that tells you they don't know if the deceased is going to heaven or not.
But that is the very cold,
very hard,
truth.
Some people don't go to heaven.
The very cold,
the very hard truth.
Everyone knows it in the back of their minds... but its never something that is publicly spoken- it isn't something asked to the family.

Joseph Haeger- You can not say "bitch" at a young man's funeral, the old people don't like it.

A veiwing is never necesary,
you don't need to see the body of someone you love...
who doesn't look like the someone you love...
who isn't the someone you love.
Take me to any funeral and when the family gets up there my jaw is tight.
Dam the first tear as it leads the path for many more.

Rest in Peace Ryan Joseph Emery

RIP

Ryan, it was hard to be thankful for so many things yesterday when all I could think about was what your family and closer friends were going through.

You got me thinking about Candace, Chaney, and even Jaimey. It is hard losing friends, sometimes, I think it's harder than losing family...

RIP
to all of my loved ones, there are too many to list, sad... but true.