"I guess it's not the way you always planned it

looks like you're heading for a crash landing
thats just the way it looks from where I'm standing"

I've been reading captivating for my bible study group.
Just finished an interesting chapter.
It talked about how the Lord WILL take away something precious to you if you find all of your comfort, all of your happiness, your compassion, and your salvation in it... I've heard that He is a jealous God, but I never thought of it like this I guess, if I am married and have lost the fact that He allowed me to find an incredible man who treats me so amazing, He will ruin it, to the breaking point if I don't turn things around, and I think that's why I don't have a boyfriend right now, and haven't for a while, I want one soo bad, but I am afraid that I want it so bad that I would be like, "Okay God thanks, see you later when I need something again." I don't want to do that! But I'm just afraid... I would, I just don't know. I like to believe God is my number one right now, and I hope that He always will be, but thinking about how I can so easily get so lost again (I don't even know if I am lost right now!) scares the hell out of me. All I know right now is that I need God, and only God. Stop tempting me with your insecurities, trying to bring mine out... I'm still soft right now, the ice is thin and I know I will easily fall through if someone pushed me. I'd rather not be surrounded by anyone if I'm only going to be surrounded by the wrong people.

I'm starting to like this boy who recently came back into my life... but I am AFRAID (shocker) that he still sees me as second best (to my sister) I don't know if I'll ever feel like I am as good as her, or good enough to some people... No one has ever treated me as good as this boy, and I don't want to lose him, but all I can do is ask God to fill me with all of Him, so that I do not go astray, yet again.

Isaiah 53:6
We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.