This happens too often

Whenever a conversation with a friend ends on a bad note, I ALWAYS imagine they will die before we get the chance to make things right.
I imagine my reaction
my rage

and then I cry
like it's a weakness

'DAMNIT!'
I yell in my head
as I punch things like walls and desks

over and over
screaming
in anger
at myself
and at them
and how this life works