Tuesday, May 29, 2007

how can i get any rest now?

as i was at work-doing cakes-i thought about a lot of random things

i love that my family sees me as the creative one-the one with the imagination.

sometimes i feel like i have lost that completely-maybe it was God and i was walking in the wrong direction..but it was something i loved-i loved writing-drawing-dreaming-maybe its work that has pulled me away-i would hate to be that person-who lets work control their life-expecially at 17. the only dreaming i have been having are my day dream nightmares-instead of hearing construction behind my house-houses being built-a hammer being worked-i see someone getting shot-over and over-have i let the devil in? demons?-i would especially hate to be that person.

on a good note: i have been smiling more-trying it out.-im thinking about asking my parents to let me start taking antidepressants. i love being happy-i really do-but its like no one believes me. i want to be happier more often-i should be.

"if i find my way, how much will i find?"

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